Over-There

Rough and Raw is this writing...but this is currently what is brewing in my mind. Totally directed to the purpose of this blog...of me getting my thoughts out and putting things into perspective. :)

    I have always had the 'dream, notion, desire, thought; etc. what have you, to go overseas to China and work in an orphanage and help others. It was a 'thought' that I think was comforted by the fact that I was in high school and it seemed like a far off possibility...not really fitting into the current life of mine. A good goal, nice idea, something I could maybe hope to fulfill one day; thought honestly, probably not something I ever considered could be come a reality. Quite consistently, a reoccurring, little peddling thought in the back of my mind, "going overseas would be nice"

 (even if 'nice' isn't exactly the correct word to place there). 

   7 years later and the thought is there, the idea is present, I can actually realistically visualize myself going overseas. I do not have the comfort of pushing it to the future...because the future is now. I am no longer thinking of the plans to make, but actually acting and reaching out. I came to that point when I knew nothing would go forward unless I made the first move; I could entertain those thoughts...or act on it.  That first move presented itself when Carissa mentioned that I should contact our Youth Pastor, Jeff. There it is, right in front of me...send an e-mail, reach out, and see what happens. So much more direct than my idea of searching Google (which is not bad, but involving someone you know, let alone your Pastor...really gets the ball rolling). See, I never truly feel I would ever be considered 'called' 'directed' or 'guided' into something by the Lord...where I could be of use. Who am I to think that I could be of use to Him...but who am I to think that I could NOT be of use to Him. My desire is to work with children, and if it also incorporates going overseas...is that not his desire in me that then becomes my ow?

   My eyes are also opening to the prospect of why I want to go and what I would do. I think in the beginning I had the overall idea in my head of what I saw myself doing. Going to China, working in an orphanage...everything fitting perfectly into place. I was rather ignorant and uneducated of what it would entail, and how I would have to open up parts of my heart and search myself in ways that I never have before...challenging to say the least. I am now find myself being stretched in a different way. I realize that I am quite selfish and prideful in my intentions...all the while pursing to be humble. I have to realize my pride, my selfishness, acknowledge and ask for help in becoming humble; get rid of the bad to make room for the good...listen and do rather than just do. (huge learning process that is currently going on and while continue to go on..as I fight the 'pride' battle).

Currently, I am involved in e-mailing Jeff concerning going somewhere overseas to work with children. I have been thinking about Africa. About the villages, about the people, about the kiddos with large brown eyes completely unaware they are searching and begging to be drowned in a unconditional acceptance of love that is so abundantly and freely given. I say this because I too am looking and want this. If my desire is for this from Him...which He freely gives, my cup is overflowing. Then what I want is to open my arms to the little ones and do my part in expressing His love to the little ones...expressing His love and embracing and realizing His love for me as well.

I want to be of use, if there is a need, I want to be able to fill that need. I know what it is like to be in a district and see children who see the difference of a loving and caring teacher. I want to be the one who shows that love and care to kiddos who aren't even aware it even exists. 

This is the beginning stages of something that may not occur, or of a life challenging experience that I may embark on. Either way, what is ahead of me I probably can't expect, so I pray my intentions are lined up with Gods and my desires are truly His for me. 

This thought, dream, idea of mine; will hopefully grow to become a reality. 

 Currently from the book I just bought, "Kisses from Katie" (how fitting) this is from one of her blog postings: and is truly a cry from my heart today...

He fought for you. you reach, and He bends, He cups your face in His hands and He says,
"Take heart. Be healed. I am for you." 

Keep reaching, friend, He's right here. His hem is wide. Let's fill our arms with gathering it. 

            -Thank you Katie :)