I think about what I wrote in my last post, and it is so true. (The people I have come to consider my frimaly are down-to earth good loving people. I can't believe them never not being in my life). It became tangible when I came home to Apple Valley to visit for a few weeks. I have been here for 2 weeks and head back to Shenandoah on the 18th. (I'll rewind to what I was thinking on the 6-hour drive home) The idea of going 'home' for a few weeks in the summer was wonderful. I would get to see friends I hadn't seen in a while, be home, see my parents, have extended leisure time at caribou, and visit Target multiple times a day if I wanted to. Being home has been great, I even got to spend a week at my cabin in Ely with my family and cousins. Over the past week that I have been home I have been able to do a lot of catching up with friends and live the every-day life of a 'local' in Apple Valley.
However, what I have slowly begin to realize, is that I am just a visitor...that was actually hard to acknowledge. I have been gone for a year, and everyone around me is in their 'life' doing what the do everyday. Not that I am not, but I am, essentially, taking a 'break' from my everyday life and visiting. Also, I technically haven't 'lived' in Apple Valley for 6 years, because I was at school for the past 5. So while being home I have memories of high school or of college, not really of what is going on now...I am somewhat of an outsider. I say all this (confusing as it may be) because for the first time I find myself thinking about my life in Shenandoah, and that is something I am going back to, and 3-weeks is in fact a long time to be away. Crazy to think that a year ago I had no life in Shenandoah, and today I am thinking about going back and how I have 'baby roots' there.
I am not ready to leave Shenandoah, and move back to MN. (Crazy that I ever though t I would say that. Just a few months ago I was crying and wanting to move back...) Shenandoah has become a part of my life, and right now it is where my life is to be. I am not sure when or if there will be a day that Shenandoah will become a place that I go back and visit....remembering of a time when it was my home and my life.
Minnesota will always be home-base for me, a place where I know that I am welcomed and loved no matter what. Something I am going to try doing a lot more is being aware, awake, and alive to my surroundings and the life I have been given in the here and now. Not fantasizing or entertaining thoughts of what could be, might be, or what never will be. I have a pretty blessed life and it's about time I start being genuine about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment